someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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