remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
