I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
