3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
