yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
