At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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