So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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