We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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