I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
