This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
