Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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