me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
