I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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