I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
