i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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