real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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