if i can run in heels then i can drive
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize