I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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