well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
