i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
