I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
