i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
