I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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