I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
