im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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