i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
