I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
