he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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