Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
