HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
