Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
