It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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