she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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