im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
