and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
3pm strippers are depressing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
