i just had sex bonerless
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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