I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
