so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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