goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
