i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
