I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
