Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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