WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
