im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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