Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
