why didn't you poke me back
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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