I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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