Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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