Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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