and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
