Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
