I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
