Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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