She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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