Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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