life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
