and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
