I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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