there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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