I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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