i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
