Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
