Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
