I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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