I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
