I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I enjoy the company of your penis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
