Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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