Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
