Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
