I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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