I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
farters have to be the big spoon...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am never drinking with the goths again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
