The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
