You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
